Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
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