now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
so are u like ashamed lol?
not really. i dont look at it as being homeless. im just going to pretend im on an extended camping trip
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
Randomize
