I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
Randomize
