Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
Randomize
