I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize
