if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
Randomize
