his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
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