Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
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