UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
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