i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
New low: just hacked my moms facebook
i am watching brooke knows best right now and hulk is totally dating his daughter's look a like. it is gross and disturbing.
the most pressuring question is, why are you watching brooke knows best?.
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
Randomize
