There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
Randomize
