Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
Randomize
