all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
I think people are normalizing furries
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
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