So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
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