I think I won the penis lottery.
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
Randomize