i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
Randomize
