chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
Randomize
