I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
Randomize
