I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
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