the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
you're hired as official boob wrangler
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
Randomize
