remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
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