I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
