I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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