i am sorry to ask, but i need y0ur honest opinion . when i turn sideways to someone, does my nose stick out like a beak ?
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
Randomize
