I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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