CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
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