Thanks for last night it was amazing as always
What are you talking about
You've got to be kidding me
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
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