I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
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