just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
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