he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
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