I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
Randomize
