I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
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