did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize
