return my video game
you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
you inspire me to be a worse person
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
Randomize
