And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
And then my night got REAL pukey
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
