end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
I just blew my weed a kiss
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
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