I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
Randomize
