I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
Randomize
