Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
YAS. BRING CRAB.
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
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