Your face is a jimmy john
My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
Randomize
