I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
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