According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Randomize
