didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
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