she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
I'm getting married
To pizza
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
I am mentally ready for anal.
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
Randomize