Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
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