it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
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