I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
Randomize
