I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
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