Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
Randomize
