Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
well I can't set my house on fire every night
I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Randomize
