i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
Randomize
