if you like me you must not know who I am
I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
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