I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
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