and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
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