You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
Randomize