This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
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