I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Randomize