I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
Randomize
