So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
Randomize
