True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
Randomize
