I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
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