Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
Randomize
