Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
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