areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
Randomize