Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
Randomize
