just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Randomize
