you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
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