I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
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