my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
Randomize
