I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
I've been emailing with a woman. I don't think she's into me, but we've become sorta email buddies. I'm hoping to meet her because on her profile she states she's into 'fisting.' Frankly the thought kinda freaks me out but I'm dying to see what kind of woman is 1) into that and 2) admits it upfront.
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
i think we sleep fucked last night...
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