She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
No...this little piggys going to the bar
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
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