VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
how do you play pong handcuffed?
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
How naked do you want me to be?
Randomize
