your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
Randomize
