dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
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